Saturday, November 10, 2007

chocolate dreams....

lost and to be found:

a reason.. an answer to my sleepless nights.. something that 'll tell me - bud, this is what you are.. what you are doing.. and where you are going..
I have searched and obviously in vain.. maybe i am asking the wrong questions.. maybe i am looking in the wrong places.. maybe i shouldnt be.. hmm.. all i get is more questions.. more to add to a list i do not want to revisit from the fear of exhaustion - the fear of losing myself in the depth of my ignorance.. [this must be an oxymoron]..
troubled.. maybe not.. but getting there.. I find no respite.. no satisfaction.. work is but a mundane activity.. but so is life.. actually its not always so.. there are moments.. moments that make up my entire day.. is it worth my entire day for those moments.. maybe so..
There's something about me i haven't been able to understand.. something that lurks.. in there.. It appears dark to me at times.. but maybe so because i haven't figured it out yet..

Life - as i have lived it - will not be be aptly presumed.. by many and maybe rightly so.. but then again I do not regret and maybe rightly so too.. maybe today is a lie... for a happier tomorrow.. maybe yesterday was one .. but then.. when the tomorrow comes will it be worth it..

questions all.. but sometimes again i am normal.. very normal ... i dream of a million and more.. ['dream of ' actually means wish for ] i wish for that fancy car.. fancy house and self employment.. or the not having the need for it... normal all .. and not aptly normal.

Am i searching.. when i should not be.. well.. freedom dictates the search for itself.. freedom from questions.. I crave a day when i know exactly what i want to do for the whole 24 hours.. the whole enchilada as they say... i crave for that morning when i wake up and know.. i am going to do what i want to and know i want to .... its poison.. slow as chocolate and equally enticing.....

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