Thursday, February 24, 2011

two otters on an autumn night [potential]

I have been sitting here for what feels like ages now. I have been here yesterday evening and the one before. It took me a long time to figure out what her words meant. But now i know. Which is why i am here. Waiting.

In another world i 've been known with a different name. A name that has got more to do with what i do than what i am. You would not want to know the details of what i do. But i am not that person. I should not be doing that. But i do it anyways. It started because of what happened before. But still is - even though what happened before has faded. I like many of you live a life shaped by my past - but what defined the past is long gone.

I order the slow kill. It might be another long night here. The first night i was here, there was excitement. I had deciphered her words - I had figured out what it was I wanted in life. It was divine. Meant to be. I had ignored the obvious for long enough. The bar is almost empty now. The bartender has more time to kill. He comes over and says "Who is it?" How did he know. I must be an easy face to read. I had believed otherwise forever now. It must be her. I was changing. "No one" I blurt out. He takes the hint and leaves me to myself.

Two hours have passed and the sinking feeling is seeping back in. Am i late? Have i taken too long or did i really not decipher it right? It isn't the last option. I have proof. Its got to be here. I take out the copy I have of 'The Autumn night'. I had chanced upon the book a few months ago - but had thought it was a mere coincidence. It was her book. She was reading it when i 'met' her for the first time. It was boring to begin with. I have never liked romantic novels. But i was searching and somewhere in my convoluted mind I thought what i was searching for was in there. That made the pages flow through.

Half way through, it hit me. The city is a beautiful place by day. Pristine brick streets separate gorgeous Victorian buildings adorned with delightful street lamps.  By all along the plush cream walls lurks a 'dark' side. More so because people like me hid behind polished suits and pointless hats......


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