Thursday, November 21, 2013

A clown and a champion

To be their clown and their champion,
to be their wuss and their Warrior,
to be there day in and day out....
to say good night and hold them tight. .

To be brave and a coward. .
to be strong and fall with a touch....
to be gentle and be abused...
To take the blame and be the accused. .

to walk with them hand in hand,
to carry them and them attend..
to be, with them,  a kid again. .
This is who I am... I am a dad!!!

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Friday, October 04, 2013


the fallacies of men are nigh and file
for desire dictates this world and while
we bicker long and bicker hard
for the little we interpret from word

to think, a sin, all we want is win
to fight this battle hard, we lose the world instead
clowns at heart - we hug the stage
unconscious to the wrath in history's page

a nation we sink, in tears we drink
thousands will fall in fuses we set to tick
but fear not.. this world shall our haute refill
for people are gullible still

marriage should sacred be
no fetus shall kill thee
for in god we trust
and for us they vote must.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

midnight purple

midnight on midnight now..
we live on in dreams we sow..
in purple tinges.. in dark fringes.. 
in unfinshed faces.. in well kept secrets..
we live on in dreams aglow..

i 've travelled long and vested much..
to see you fly is where my dreams lie..
in tender hands of minds ablaze..
i leave you morrow to be brought back.. 
from dreamy sleep to flying high.

you have crossed them depths..
you 've come so far.. 
to be one with fire and wind.
lo and behold.. all shall see.. 
you become what you were meant to be!

Thursday, August 01, 2013

In due time...

I was looking through old political and historical maps of India and came across this website with a few very interesting (for me) maps.

The lesson from the exercise (to me again.. ) seems to be that 'in due time' everything changes. What  we celebrate/regret today WILL change again and again and eventually end up being something totally not resembling what we so sincerely advocate/support the state of. And then it will change some more.

Makes me Wonder - What would a really global world look like? One in which - there are no borders. Wait - that's already there. There's no real borders. Borders are but imaginary haphazard lines we draw to.. hmm.. i don't really know the exact useful purpose they serve.
Either way - what would a world without  these imaginary borders - look like? One where a human is a human - not an indian, not an american, not a muslim, not a christian, not an atheist, not a republican, not a democrat - but just that - a human. That would be one big leap forward - wouldn't it?

Anyways, time to stop dreaming and actually start sleeping :)

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Holding on...

in word unspoken and sides not taken
in desires unexpressed.. in differences not sorted..
in arguments meaningless.. and making up kisses missed
We 've lost the love we've shared...

In evening and nights away.. in the many calls not made..
in the umpteen apologies untold... in the few moments not cared..
in hugs not hugged and hands not held..
We 've lost the love we've shared...

In proving myself right.. one more time you - I 've wronged
yet in every breath hence taken - for you i've longed...
forgiveness though time and again  have I seeken..
 yet with every turn ..'us' we 've foresaken.. 

tear not now.. my darling love..
for what remains a void..
one that neither of us can fill..or will..
fly on now... be that little dove..

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Deja Vu

I have walked out of these doors a hundred times before. Exactly as many times as I have walked in. But today is going to be the last. I have had told myself a lot many times that this would be the last, but this time is going to be different.

You need talent but that is not enough. Here you need the lady - lady luck. And the lady comes in four different forms and only one of them is a heart. So three times out of four your talent has to wage against a lot of luck. Some are born with it - or so it seems. They come in - make the worst of choices and yet make off with a lot more than they deserve. I - on the other hand - have talent. And that's about all I have - is what it seems like on occasions like these. And more often that not - it seems like I am the one paying off the stupid ones. I have had enough of this. I am not going to pay off these guys anymore. Its not a fair game - this.

I get into my car, turn the ignition on and wait for the engine to warm up. The mind goes back to what happened. Why do i always have to be on the same table with fools like this.

I came in today as usual. I do not bring in too much. I only come in when I have a lot of time at hand. Its a sensible move. I don't bluff too much. And when i do - I am good at it. I do take the occasional risk but not over board. And there's only so many permutations and combinations and I am good with numbers. That with the right decisions - sure moves the numbers in your favor.

She does not always need to know. And I always have the right reason. Did I tell you - I am good at the bluff. I have confessed before. But that was because I wanted to tell her. There were too many things wrong and sometimes she needs to know. But not always. Its not too good - or so it seems for the relationships. But well, she does not understand. And she does not know that I am good. She will know it when I make it big. And would she react the same, if I spent the money investing? Really - its not that different. At least here, I have a better hold of how it goes down. But, either way - for now - its better she does not need to know.

Either way, here I am trying to go back and figure out what went wrong. Rewind 10 minutes. I have been on the table for over an hour now. I have almost doubled what I have brought in. I know almost everyone at the table here. Its better to play with people you have played before. You know there aren't too many wild cards. Lesser 'Lucky' guys.

I have a hand. a pair of kings is always good. I raise pre-flop. Everyone mucks. Except for this dude at first blind. He raises. I call. He has a hand. I have played with him before. One of the 'Not too much going on up there' guys. He's here to gamble.

A K 2 off suite for the flop.
He checks. I raise small - Just to make sure. He says 'Gamble Gamble' and goes all in. He has me covered.
I know him though. He's bluffing. I can see it in his eyes. He makes eye contact but bounces right away. Mutters something about me calling if I wanted to gamble and the kind of nervous talk. He does not want me to call. I say 'All in' as well.
We turn it over. he's got a pair of Jacks. I am doubling up.

Well - not to be. Turn's a 10 and River's a Queen. And this one has no heart.
Everyone knows it. I could not have played it better or made a better choice. Either way, he takes my chips. All of them. And I walk out. Slowly but surely.

This has happened way too many times. I have been in the car for a while now. I reverse and head out. Surely its luck. There's no other logical explanation. Either way, I am done with this. I cannot keep doing this. Its hurting my finances. Its hurting my relationship. Its hurting my family. Its hurting me. And there seems to be no dearth of 'Lucky' ones. I slowly drive home. She answers the door. I say 'How are you honey? Sorry I am late. Lots of work.'

Sunday, April 28, 2013

the math of career building

Interesting excerpt from an old email thread:

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? 
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings, where someone wants you to give over 100%. 
How about achieving 103%? What makes up ! 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
And, look how far ass kissing will take you.
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that..

"While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there..... 
it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top"

words from a different world..

"phil hal tho hum saas lerahe hain...
par jeena tho usi din chod diya.. jis din tum gaye..."

I was going through old mails .. emails from almost 10 years ago .. and it seems like a different world altogether. I do not recognize the person who wrote those words anymore. It was me 10 years ago but then I see what has changed in the 10  years and am trying to make sense.

Also as i go through these old emails - I can see how careless I have been with people - and have not reached out to people when they needed the most. Maybe it was the fallacies of youth or just me being stupid - either way I should have cared a little more - I think. I spent a lot of time yesterday night reading through the emails and it kind of makes me understand who I was and maybe a bit of who i am. Its nice to be able to look back at time and have a record. Because we tend to forget and there are some things we need to be reminded of - now and then.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Moving on...

The easiest thing to say - and yet the toughest thing to do is 'Move On!'. I have heard its necessary to do so to stay 'normal' - to stay 'sane' that is. But 'normal' and 'sane' do not always explain why some things happen.
And when they do - normal and sane aren't really something you are thinking about being. Peace to those who have to...